Anatomy of a Meltdown

Or How Running Prevented a Quadruple Homicide.

Saturday morning I was to meet up with my running group for our long run of the week. We were to meet at 6:30am. Did I mention this was Saturday? I’d been out with a friend Friday night to see a play to which I had  been long looking forward, but I didn’t get home until midnight (way past my customary 9:30 bedtime).

It started at 4am – the waking, looking at the clock every half hour, trying to decide what time I really needed to get up. At 6am I made the decision that I would not get up to meet my running group. I drifted back to sleep. I didn’t feel relieved at letting myself off the hook, I felt defeated.

About an hour and a half later, I became aware of my husband curled behind me, spooning. This should have felt safe and lovey, but instead it felt predatory. (This has nothing to do with my husband - just scars of injuries past that become inflamed without warning.)

Moments later, the other man in my life appeared. “Mommy, can I snuggle?” So I moved over to be sandwiched between the two in our wholly inadequate double bed. In short order the middle child padded in and curled up at the end of the bed on my feet while the dog became increasing ly frantic, racing from one side of the bed to the other trying to find a gap he could jump into.

Thus I enter consciousness under siege, like a soldier awakened by incoming rounds. I started flailing around and hollering for everyone to Get. Off. Me. and finally managed to extricate myself. I left everyone behind thinking, “Why is she rejecting me?” The truth is that it couldn’t be any less about them.

I head into the living room/kitchen/great room - an area that is being secured by the National Park Service as a monument to chaos and disorder. I make my coffee and assume my position for my daily morning ritual of study, prayer and contemplation. This practice is essential for me and the reason I get up so early. I need that half hour before anyone else in the house is up, but since I have slept late, I have missed my window. Instead, my study time is punctuated with distractions and demands.

As I start briefing everyone on the day’s schedule and what needs to happen to make it all possible, I feel myself getting tighter than a piano wire. I stop what I am doing and say, “I am going for a run. You all have approximately 1 hour and fifteen minutes to do something that will not make me want to burn your flesh off with my eyes.”

Had I stayed any longer, I would have had a classic meltdown involving any of the following: yelling, shaming, belittling, martydom, condescension, hysteria, and tears (theirs or mine). Instead, it took 50 minutes of running before my meltdown occured in the form of rivulets of sweat streaming down my face. I literally left it all on the road.

Have you dedicated some time to your butt today?

We had the reknowned Dr. Bob Wilder, Director of the UVa Sports Rehab and Running  clinic speak last Saturday to the Women’s 4 Miler Training Program participants about running without injury or pain (well, a little pain may be OK).

He asked the very pointed question: “How many of you dedicate some time to your glutes every day?”

I only saw one hand in the sea of hundreds go up (that was my coach). No surprise there, but I’m here to tell ya’, he may be on to something.

I am proud to say, that as someone who started running while significantly overweight and out of shape, I have been mostly injury and pain free. I worried a lot about the impact and possible damage all that weight would have on my middle-aged joints. Maybe I’m lucky, but I think it’s because I obsessively researched and adopted a moderate training plan, and I stuck to the plan. (Remember? This was one of Dr. Wilder’s suggestions – the sticking to the plan part, not the obsessing over the plan part.)

I have had only one minor injury over the course of my training. I was doing some “speed” work and busted into an all-out “sprint” (yeah, I still giggle when I say “speed” or “sprint”). I felt a little something go “sproing!!” in my hip. Turned out that this was not something that hurt while I was running, but I looked like the grandma who forgot her walker in my off hours. Getting out of the car, going up steps – killed me! My hip was tender and very stiff. I gingerly maintained my training schedule and paid a little extra attention to stretching this area.

Eventually, it became more of a dull nuisance. I worried about whether this injury would rise up and disrupt my running long term or cause some more lasting damage, so I decided to seek professional assistance. I was referred to physical therapy, and I had visions in my head of massage and electro-stimulation and gels and aroma therapy . I just knew they were going to pamper my hip back to health.

Um, no.

In the initial assessment, my PT said I had exceptionally tight hips, which I, of course, took as high praise. NEVER had the words tight and hips ever been used concurrently with reference to MY body. Then he said I was pretty athletic.

Oh, the euphoria!

It  wasn’t long before the afterglow of all this sweet talking was replaced with the reality that my therapy was going to involve some pretty demanding strength training of my core and my glutes.

I commenced to whining right away. Abs?! My six-pack (having always been insulated with a generous layer of flesh) packed up and left three babies ago. Are you kidding me? And can we talk about the shame of not being able to isolate or even find the glute muscle in question?

Well, fast forward a bit, and I can tell you now that the core work has made me a better runner. It has improved my form which has in turn improved my endurance and kept me from any further hip pain – or any other nagging pains or injury for that matter.

So go ahead and give your glutes a little extra attention today. You will be glad for it.

And another thing about hills…

I’ve been on vacation, so the blog has been on hiatus, but now I’m back and ready to follow up my hill post.

First, I should clarify one point: I advised keeping “perpendicular” to the ground when it would have been more accurate to say “plumb”. Imagine you are a plumb-bob, hung on a string from heaven – you remain upright, neither crunching forward into the hill or leaning back to slow yourself down. I really did not intend that you should be defying all laws of gravity by maintaing right angles with the ground regardless of the grade of the hill. Make sense? Good.

Now, I’d like to share a little hill story from my vacation…

I was in Maine last week, staying in a little community called Bayside. It can be found mid-coast, between Camden and Belfast, situated on Shore Road which hugs the coastline for 5-6 miles. The terrain is ”gently rolling”, much like the Charlottesville area. It’s a pretty perfect route for me.

My first run was to be my “long” run for the week. I didn’t have mileage markers, so I decided to just go out 40 minutes and return for a relaxed 80 minute run. Since it was my first run on this route, I didn’t know quite what to expect. All was good and uneventful until I reached the 35 minute mark – almost at my turn around point.

I found myself at the top of a hill that goes down and curves around sharply to the left, so that I couldn’t see exactly how far or how steep. There was, however, one of those yellow road signs that warn truckers about steep grades and checking their brakes. That did not bode well.

I had a decision to make. I could turn around and head back at this point. That would still be a very respectable run, and only cutting myself short by 10 minutes. Maybe I could even make it up on the other end – but I know myself.  The reason I like an agressive out and back course is that I have no problem getting to the halfway point, and once there, I have no choice but to finish. If I were to cut it short here, there’s no way I would make it up on the other end.

As the angel and devil on each shoulder debated the point, I couldn’t help but think about all the advice I’d been smugly flinging around about hills, and what a loser I’d be to chicken out on this hill now, even if it was in the privacy of my own vacation run.

So I barreled down the steep grade and around the curve. It eventually bottomed out and I began ascending another, more modest hill. I reached my 40 minute mark and knew it was time to turn around and face THE hill from the other side. It wasn’t immediately in sight, but I came back around that curve and that hill rose up before me like the Great Pyramid of Tenochtitlan .

It had been lightly raining. The morning fog was burning off and steam was rising unearthly from the pavement. I half expected to see the hounds of Hell waiting for me as I crested the hill, snarling and slobbering and greedily eyeing me to determine if I was weak enough to pick off or too weak to be any fun. I employed my best hill running techniques (which now included visualizing vicious dogs in hot pursuit) and before I knew it, I was up and over. No dogs. No pain. No throbbing, bursting, bleeding. None of that.

So I’m glad I didn’t cheat myself. Maybe Sarge was right. It’s not a hill. The mountains to be moved are mostly in my head.

You never know how far one step can take you.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.

When I was looking for some inspirational/motivational quotes to share with my new four-miler trainees, this classic Chinese proverb seemed apt for new walkers and runners. It’s very common to be intimidated by the thought of running four miles, especially if you’ve never been a runner. Even as a walker, it may seem way out of reach when the longest trek you routinely make is from the car to the door of your house or office or grocery store.

I was thinking I’d start out with something like this: You may not be going for 1000 miles, but 4 miles may feel that far away to you now.

Then I started thinking, “How many miles have I actually logged over the last year?”

As a middle aged, middle distance, moderately paced (and that’s generous) runner, I have logged about 600 miles since I started my journey a year ago. That means that should you choose to stick with a moderate plan of running 3-4 days per week, 2-4 miles per day, you could easily make your journey of 1000 miles in two years. That’s really pretty amazing.

And it all begins with that first step. No effort is too small, especially when applied deliberately and consistently. You can go as far as you please if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

What’s on your mind?

Just as there are different types of runs for different training objectives, I’ve found there to be different runs for different state-of-mind objectives.

The early morning run is either meditative or time for me to plan out my day and think about what I want to accomplish. At the end of the day I am often running off stress or shaking out the cobwebs that have been under consrtruction all day long. I’ve run to discharge anger, relieve stress, perk myself up, calm myself down, solve some problem, or do some creative thinking. I’ve even been known to run and cry at the same time. Yes, I know – kind of loserish.

My favorite, though, are those free floating streams of consciousness (not to be confused with streams of sweat). I often write while running. Or rather, I’m composing and turning over lots of ideas, only a fraction of which ever make it onto paper or into my laptop. Sadly, when those thoughts are gone, they’re gone. I really hate that. I wish there was some way to capture those fireflies of thought, magical and fleeting. I feel like I am most conscious when I run.

Tonight I was thinking about dinner and mapping out how I’d prepare it, in what order each step should be. It came down to these basic components in this order: broil salmon, make pesto, steam asparagus, boil pasta. As I visualized each step and repeated them, I became aware of the rhythym of the words. It was the perfect cadence for my run. I can only imagine what the neighbors think when they see me huffing down the street babbling:

broil salmon, make pesto, steam asparagus, boil pasta…
broil salmon, make pesto, steam asparagus, boil pasta…
broil salmon, make pesto, steam asparagus, boil pasta…